Who am I?

Today was the last day of my tertiary studies, which ended with a very nice farewell party. As I look back over the past six years, I recall a rich myriad of memories – from the first years at university, when the seeds of knowledge implanted and fresh friendships eagerly formed, to the fellowship and joy of the friends and experiences I’ve come to known through CASS, and to the later clinical years, with the many patients and staff that I have worked with, learnt from, respected.

In amongst the magnitude of the things that I have learnt over the past six years, it is of note that the most important and significant of these were not so much of medical knowledge, but rather, learning about the ways of life – the value of people, the appreciation of beauty, the strengthening challenges of pressures and perseverance, and the celebration of growth, maturation and fulfillment. In addition to the good experiences, I also recall the many mistakes and regrets, the many losses and sacrifices in areas of friendship, personal growth, appreciation of life. Regardless of the particulars, one thing is clear – that this intricate tapestry of blessings and regrets has significantly changed me and formed me, into who I am now, and for all that growth and enrichment, I am thankful.

In the midst of the different roles, appearances, achievements, in the end, I am simply who I am.

Throughout our lives, we are time and time again given labels and identities by people, describing who we are – diligent student, close friend, poor sportsman, valued employee... Jesus too, had been given many labels – rabbi, master, prophet, king. In addition, when:

He put this question to his disciples, “who do people say I am?”, they replied, “John the Baptist, others Elijah, others again, one of the prophets.” “But you”, he asked them, “who do you say I am?” Peter spoke up and said to him, “You are the Christ.”
(Mark 8:27 – 29)

In the midst of all these names, titles, proclamations from others, I think Jesus too needed to look into himself, and recognize for himself who he really is. Maybe it was in this inward recognition of his true identity, that he was able to keep going, to say, “Let your will be done, not mine” (Luke 22:41), “I was born for this, I came into the world for this” (18:37), and to finally say on the cross, “It is fulfilled” (John 19:30).

In the midst of our own collage of names, titles, achievements and appearances, we too need to take the time to look inwards at who we are for ourselves. Who am I, when I’m just with God by myself? Maybe when we could take the step to enter within ourselves, to come face to face with our own bare nature and vulnerabilities, we would hear, in our depths, the gentle voice which tells us, “You are my beloved son.”